Often I wonder to myself how many times will I be asked about my grandmother only to begin crying about her? Once in church and twice while shopping I've had concerned friends ask me how I'm doing and as soon as I have to speak of what happened I feel the tears start to burn right away. Today while doing the crazy dash all people do when the talk of snow comes about, I went out to buy milk, but also things for my grandfather too. We ran into two of the habitat workers and we where talking about how excited we are that we have turned in our first 200 hours. She asked me if my grandparents where still sick. I just started crying. I hate saying I've lost my grandmother ( I haven't because I know where she is at) I also hate saying she died( because she still lives). Then of course I pulled myself together. Its been really really hard to begin a new year without her. It was harder then the holidays. I felt bad for making this friend feel bad for asking. I don't want anyone to not ask me about her. I enjoy talking about her. But if I cry then I don't want them to feel bad. Its all part of the process. While taking my papaw his stuff today there was a rainbow breaking through some clouds, just like the day she left this world and I wondered to myself is that her looking down? Is that her showing me that no matter how long I'm left to live in this world that a mothers love never dies?? That she will never forget me, no matter how long we're away from each other? I like to think so.
No comments:
Post a Comment